Deacons Discussions Drinks
Deacons Discussions Drinks
#28 - Mr. Mike Allen Edition - Director of Family Life and Evangelization
The Deacons sat down with Mr. Mike Allen Director of Family Life and Evangelization at the Catholic Diocese of Lexington. Mike is a former Methodist pastor and youth minister. It was an exciting discussion where we heard about his faith journey including his conversion to Catholicism and much more.
Office of Family Life at the Diocese of Lexington
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Did you ever stop and think vice versa? Just kidding. Then maybe, I don't know a single thing that I haven't noticed. Then when I see you my heart starts racing. I don't know. It's the same thing. My head start shaking.
Tim Stout:Today is November 6 2020. Friday the 31st week in Ordinary Time and you are tuned in to deacons, discussions, drinks.
Unknown:heart starts racing. I don't know if it's the same for my hand shaking. But this time, this time.
Tim Stout:Good evening, everybody. Welcome to another episode of deacons discussions and drinks. I'm Deacon Tim Stout.
Dallas Kelley:I'm Deacon Dallas Kelly.
Tim Stout:And Father Lynn when is taking a medical absence tonight. So nothing major just pieces he's off. Right. So Dallas you there. Check check. Roger. We're back in the studio tonight. After being off last weekend much needed rest restful weekend after being outside in that nice fall cold weather out there on the outside steps of Cardona.
Dallas Kelley:That was pretty good time went down. Sorry, absolutely. Cold and
Tim Stout:cold and had a fire going. And people gave away a lot of money. In a way a bunch of money gave away some money to the guy who's on the Finance Committee. I never did hear if he donated that back in bill bounty if you're listening. Don't forget 10% goes to the church. Hey, tonight, we got a special guest good to join us via zoom. You guys have probably heard his name before. If you're live in the Diocese of Lexington or been around St. Francis's john very long. Mr. Mike Allen, the director of family life and evangelization for the Diocese of Lexington. He's going to join us at the top of the hour. Should be a great discussion. If you haven't heard Mike's story before or heard him talk about his ministry. It's good guy to talk to any Dallas. Very much. So I think the first time I heard his story was he was at our church for something. I can't remember what it was. But he was remembering getting up there and talking about
Dallas Kelley:Yeah, he actually told his whole conversion story. It was Yeah, but I think it was during a mass. So pretty, pretty powerful.
Tim Stout:I'm excited about that. So but let's let's just jump into current events. Is there anything going on in the world right now?
Dallas Kelley:That was saying no controversy, no, nothing.
Tim Stout:Things just hunky dory. Just getting getting back to normal life, you know, COVID elections? I really think that most people have lost their minds. You know what I mean? And here's I'm going to give this as my current event. This is my explanation of what is happening with the election. And it's it's kind of my opinion, it's kind of as a result of COVID as well. But we have lost all sense of civility, decency, respect, for the Office of the President, and for politicians in general. And the reason I think that we've lost that is because all of our politicians have lost it for each other. Right? You with me when I say that, so none of the politicians treat each other with respect. So we're starting now to emulate the politicians. And we're starting to not treat the politicians with any respect as well. So the offices that we used to hold near and dear, they don't mean anything to us anymore. And now what is starting to happen is since we treat people that we used to respect in that way, now we're starting to treat each other that way. Have you noticed that on social media? Oh, just
Dallas Kelley:leave me alone? No.
Tim Stout:Have you noticed that on social media, I've seen people on social media that I think are the nicest people going at it with people. And this, this isn't just church thing. This is, you know, people ride bikes with its people I've socialized with, it's people I've worked with. I mean, it's all over the world. But all over the board, people are just tense.
Dallas Kelley:I've always said that with social media, every thought that pops into your head does not have to be put down and wrote out and push, push, send. I don't need to know. And I shouldn't need to know, every thought you're thinking.
Tim Stout:That's a good point. And that's probably part of it. And, you know, the thing that I've tried to do with this, with this election is just take a deep breath posted as a last day of status update the other day, just take a deep breath, and let it play out. You know, if there's cheating on one side, there's cheating on the other side. Right? This is like a reverse complete reversal. What happened in 2000? Right, we have, we have a standing vise we had we have former vice president running, running for office in 2000. He lost by the narrowest avert margins, and it took to December middle of December before he conceded. Now we have a former vice president is probably going to win and it's going to take the standing president prior to the middle of December to can see. So let's just everybody take a deep breath, sit back, relax.
Dallas Kelley:And the hanging Chad, do you remember they
Tim Stout:just treat each other nice, right? Just treat each other? Nice. We'd love each other. Love each other? Set? Simple. That's my part of it. How about you? What's your current event?
Dallas Kelley:I was your homily. Last time to
Tim Stout:love everybody. That's a good. It's a good position today,
Dallas Kelley:our current event this is from Catholic news agency. And the only reason I bring it up I don't mean I don't mean it is it's funny because it's not funny. It's just something I've never ever heard before. is a the Catholic Diocese of Fresno has taken out a restraining order against a priest. And that's what caught my eye. I mean, you hear priest in the news a lot, but I've never heard of restraining or, and they lost it in launched an investigation after he was accused of drug use physical abuse threatening behavior and linked to gang gangs. Bishop Joseph brenum of Fresno at Mass last night, he is not allowed on the property. And on and on and on. I've never heard as a priest getting a restraining order.
Tim Stout:Do you think that's related to COVID?
Dallas Kelley:As in Well, I
Tim Stout:mean, you know, COVID is causing us to do different things, we're forgetting how to interact with people. Because we're not around people, right? We're restricted. You know, there's that one of the one of the one of our customers, they used to have a place where all the operators could get get together, it's an industrial setting, and they could sit there and talk and, you know, have lunch together now. Now everybody is isolated, they can never be I got about 1516 employees, they can never be in the same room together. And there, there's the pod word that are they're putting people in pods. So they're not they don't interact with anybody. So all day long, they sit in front of a computer or terminal or control station, and they do their job. They lunch by themselves, and then they go home, or is that at one of our customers. So but that's happened in a lot of places, right? We were We were restricting our interaction, or not interact even, you know, even us and mass, right? I mean, at the end of mass, it used to be that we would shake everybody's hand teller behind somebody had a problem or something they talked to us, we'd would commune with them, we would communicate with them, we would be in community with them. And that's just not happening anymore. And I think that we're forgetting how to interact with people. That's my theory.
Dallas Kelley:But we're also not allowed. Okay, pass is over supposed to leave the parking lot.
Tim Stout:It's true. I'm just I'm just saying that the COVID is having a lot more a lot more issues than, than I think we. We acknowledge. Can't get my microphone right today. Steve, that sound okay. Over there. So, so that's your current event?
Unknown:Yes.
Tim Stout:Anything else going on in the world? Well, I mean, you know, since last time we we were on the Dodgers won a world series.
Dallas Kelley:I didn't know that. I mean, I watched that baseball is one thing I did watch a lot of this. Like baseball rates did halfway decent courses is it was 60 games season two, but they didn't play 180 that was 62 games.
Tim Stout:I think it was something like 62 games. But I mean, you know, the Dodgers? They were they were do they were way, way overdue?
Dallas Kelley:Yeah. When I heard the last I didn't realize that I thought they had wanted since then. They've been in the series though. With less.
Tim Stout:Yeah, they've been to the World Series three or four times over the last four or five years. So now it was they were do and I'm glad they got the monkey off their back. So that's why I'm wearing my Dodger blue tonight. Go Go Dodgers. And I'm trying to think what else anything else happened?
Dallas Kelley:I don't know. I wonder if my counted Dodger fan.
Tim Stout:He's probably a Dodger fan.
Dallas Kelley:I've seen that many reds game. I know. He's a reds fan.
Tim Stout:Like he's a reds fan. Okay, well, we'll find out here in just just a couple minutes. What else is going on? COVID election Dodgers winning the World Series. There's one thing that's kind of big going on right now. What do you think that is?
Dallas Kelley:I don't know. What
Tim Stout:is it? I don't know. I'm asking you. It's hunting season Dallas.
Dallas Kelley:Come on and season. Yeah, I've been hunting and fish I went fishing the day and
Unknown:boat broke.
Tim Stout:You broke your new boat.
Dallas Kelley:No, I didn't very good. It wouldn't start it wouldn't like electrical issue wouldn't turn over nothing. totally
Tim Stout:blank. Getting off the trailer or
Dallas Kelley:Wow, I was way I had to get towed had to stop. So mine told me brand brand new boat. That's now it's not a motor issue. It's something's not a fuse blue or something. It's not making any contact in the ignition.
Tim Stout:So the There's your fishing report for the week. So So if Jason berries, listen, and he didn't get down the wall, he got out in the water, but his boat broke down. And I was hoping to hear because I went scouting with you for the big game Dear Mr. de contam while he went walk into the woods, and I'd like to tell that story to somebody because I said Dallas had his retirement. And I loved your quote when asked you that question. So I'll just ask you Dallas, how's retirement? Is it doesn't suck. It doesn't suck. So I agree with you. I can't wait to experience I have
Dallas Kelley:an old author Arthur movie. Deadly more. Deadly more.
Tim Stout:All right. Well, I think our guest is here. So without further ado, I'll do a little brief intro here. Mike, can you hear us okay?
Unknown:Yes. Can you hear me?
Tim Stout:I can hear you just fine. Great. So if you can hear us, we can hear you. That's good. Mr. Mike Allen for the past 15 years has been the director of family life and evangelization for the Diocese of Lexington. He also teaches at Lexington Catholic High School. And before he and his family entered the Catholic Church. Mike was a United Methodist pastor and youth minister for over 15 years. That's 30 right there. If I've got that calculation right. Before he and his wife Angie found themselves before they saw the light and came to the Catholic faith drawn to the Catholic faith, I think is the word he used. They've been married for 32 years have seven children. Wow. Ages 15 to 28 and a four month old granddaughter. We'll talk about grandkids Mike as I got to two that are both young. Mike and Mike is also likes to native so welcome to the show, Mike Mr. Mike Allen.
Dallas Kelley:Thanks and a Dodger fan. Right.
Tim Stout:And a Dodger fan.
Unknown:No, you know my I've been on a journey with the Dodgers. Because back in the 70s and 80s I hated the Dodgers because I was a reds fan and they were in the NL West together, which made no sense Cincinnati and the National League West but that's what it was. And so you know, those teams with you may not be old enough to remember Tim Steve Garvey Oh yes,
Tim Stout:Davey Lopes on say
Unknown:I despised those guys.
Tim Stout:Steve Garvey, maybe loaves Bill Russell Ron say Jaeger behind the plate. I can't tell you the outfield West because that's where they changed everybody. But dusty Baker dusty Baker. Yeah.
Unknown:Big Monday, Reggie Smith. You know,
Dallas Kelley:how do you really feel about Mike?
Mike Allen:Well, and then of course, when they switch divisions now it's the Cardinals that I despise and and on maybe just below them the Braves. But I have a good friend that I grew up with and church youth group and stuff and whose Walker bueller's mother. Oh, wow. And so I was pulling pulling for him a little bit. Yeah.
Tim Stout:Oh, yeah. I mean, last year after after he had a good showing in the in the The postseason as well. You know, there was a good quote from Tommy Lasorda. That's it. Said Walker, you're gonna be a Dodger for a long time. So
Unknown:he he makes it look effortless and he he reminds me a little bit he's just a tiny bit bigger. That reminds me a little bit of Orel. Hershiser
Tim Stout:Yeah, good St. Bill right. Lane then also another Kentucky connection for the Dodgers. Will Smith play at the University of Louisville so we won't hold that against and we won't but I think I think his features pretty good for for catcher he hits pretty good for a catcher and you know they didn't go to him towards the end of the series I put him in the DH instead of behind the plate but
Unknown:well congratulations I know it's been a long time coming for the Dodgers and hard to believe a great franchise like that had been on a 32 year drought and happy crazy maybe the red so you know red so one and a 90 so maybe there's gonna be some symmetry there. We can hope
Tim Stout:we can help dow said they had a good year this year for 60
Dallas Kelley:game sees the Reds right? We're above 500 right?
Unknown:barely
Dallas Kelley:two games on it. And they scored what two runs and how many games? Well, they scored zero runs in the play. Oh, that's right. Zero. That's right. Zero Yeah,
Tim Stout:they went that extra inning game and it was
Dallas Kelley:Yeah, that's what it was. It was a I was saying zero runs and I'll know a lot more innings but even though it wasn't that many
Tim Stout:well that's a lot about baseball. We could talk baseball all night long because the dogs won World Series some great games though. I did I did enjoy the whole postseason I think the posts it'll be interesting if they keep this this lineup right the way they've got the structured. The one thing I don't like about it is I don't like the three game series to start because somebody gets hot. You can get busted out.
Unknown:Oh, yeah. No, no, no question.
Tim Stout:So maybe that'll be what triggers the Reds into the world's pool for the reds. We've been to thousand how many reds game? Steve's you don't say stay behind the cameras over here. But he's a big time. reds fan. Big time Bengals fan. He's he's he's had a lot of heartache. But, Mike, let's let's talk a little bad about you won't talk about you or you won't talk about your ministry first. What do you think?
Unknown:Doesn't matter?
Tim Stout:What's Uh, what's it like coming from the Methodist Church to Catholicism? I mean, I've heard your story, you came to our church? Gosh, it seems like 10 or 10 or 11 years ago and told your whole story up at the pulpit. I forget what the I don't know if that was a mission or if you what, what you're there for. But I was amazed at your story. I mean, it's a it's a great, great story, can you can you kind of tell us how a guy goes 15 years as a Methodist minister and converts to Catholicism?
Unknown:Yeah, I mean, and everybody's journey is different, of course, but mine went down a path that started with curiosity. Not ever thinking you would go anywhere. But you know, I grew up in in Lexington and went to Baptist churches when I was really little. And then in high school, got involved in the Methodist Church, really active youth group, and it really had a profound impact on my life. And then when I graduated college, university Kentucky go cats. I even though I was an engineering major, and then graduated with an engineering degree. That's to have ended up. I ended up going to Asbury seminary because I felt a call to full time Christian ministry. And, you know, I wasn't really anti Catholic, I just was largely ignorant of Catholicism. Now my grandmother, she was saying attack half. She, she was she was from rural Wolfe County, Holly Chihuahua, Kentucky.
Tim Stout:I don't know where that where is that at? Wolfe County?
Unknown:Ah, wolf counties, like, you know, next to Morgan County, West Liberty. Okay. Well, wolf counties campton you've ever camped it? Well,
Tim Stout:my daughter is in Morehead. So since
Unknown:it sits out the Mountain Parkway, you go right through Wolfe County. And she was a little tip from a town called Holly Chihuahua. And the legend was they called it a lychee walk because there were two ways to get there and it was hell each way. But she, she called Catholics cat Lakers. I remember very well. So I was pretty ignorant of the Catholic faith. You know, even as a Christian pastor, but I was like I said, I had some vague perceptions about the Catholic faith but not enough to worry about and it was just largely irrelevant to my life. And when I was it was interesting. I had a class when I came back to school to Asbury to to get work on a doctorate degree. I had a preaching professor who gave us a list of novels. He said Pick one of those novels and read it and write a paper on how the themes in that novel might be used in preaching. And I just saw one novel that a friend of mine had referenced a philosophy fester that I do. And it was by Graham Greene, who was a British author Catholic, not exactly a poster boy of Catholic sainthood. But his novels which I read several of them because they were so good. And he had a very, his books were just haunted with Catholic imagery and the vivid descriptions of the mass and so forth. And it's interesting how conversion sometimes happens. Because if I had picked up a book that said, why you should become a Catholic, I would have had my, my arguments marshaled and my defenses up and you know, I'd be ready to take on the challenge. But because it was art, literature, it snuck in a side door, and it just picked a little curiosity in me. And over the next, I don't know, probably five or six years. I just gradually I would have a question about why the Catholics believe that or why did they do that? Or, you know, I've discovered that my perceptions of the Catholic faith, were not always accurate.
Tim Stout:Were you discovering all this on your own? Or was was somebody leading you in that direction? Were you able Who were you asking these questions? Or were you just researching and researching
Dallas Kelley:where was you getting answers from non Catholics or Catholic?
Unknown:No, I was mainly Catholic material. And it was it was, in many ways, an individual personal journey. I didn't have many Catholic friends, but I didn't really consult with anybody. I was just, you know, I, I had also begun subscribing to a journal called first things that was not technically a Catholic journal. But there were a lot of Catholic writers. So God Father Richard, john Newhouse, of blessed memory, he was a pain relief.
Dallas Kelley:Fantastic. I remember him.
Unknown:Yeah, he was. Yes. He was a Lutheran pastor who became Catholic, and so forth. So but you know, as I would have these little I describe it, that I'd have these little epiphanies along the way, like, Oh, that's why Catholics do that. Or, oh, I was wrong about what Catholics believe about this, or, oh, that's the biblical passage that Catholics, we used to undergird that teaching and so forth. And so I was having these little, you know, lightbulb moments along the way. And I was, found myself, not just curious, but then started, see some, something attractive about the Catholic faith. And, you know, I would even find myself defending the Catholic faith in discussions with non Catholics. You know, like, even though, you know, of course, I wasn't going to become Catholic in my mind, but I wanted people to have a fair picture.
Tim Stout:You were being added, you're being an apologist already.
Unknown:Yeah, in many ways. And so, and there came a point, probably around April of 2004. There were a couple of books that I read, it's in which those all those light bulbs kind of came together, and I saw this just I would describe it as the panoramic beauty of the Catholic faith. And I realized that I was no longer just curious or attracted, that believed it, you know, which provoked a crisis because this was we were living in a Methodist parsonage we had six kids, you know? It was like, what, what are we gonna do? Well, you know, and my wife
Tim Stout:was Angie on this journey with you, or, you know, I mean, we were we were had to be communicating something to her on the way.
Unknown:Yeah, we had, you know, six kids 11 and under so deep theological conversations were not common,
Tim Stout:didn't happen at the dinner table.
Unknown:But, you know, she would get in the car and turn on the radio and it was tuned to the Catholic station or something, you know, so it kind of raised an eyebrow. And she knew that I was having this interior kind of, you know, that I was on this journey and but But what happened is just, you know, I actually prayed to God about it and said, you know, God if this is if you wanting me to become Catholic, then you're going to have to convince my wife because So, I can't do that. And, you know, I thought I would, I'd kind of click taking the monkey off my back because, you know, then I just would try and trust it to God. And, you know, funny thing happens when you do that, because she began to pick up some of these books that I had lying around the house just on her own and started reading them. And then she found herself on the same journey. And then we're both I just couldn't remember. There that summer of oh four, we would just lie there at night. And it felt like, like a, like, there was a 50 pound rock on our chests. It was just like, we felt this just overwhelming sense of call, you know, and what are we going to do with this and so forth. And so the rest, as they say, is kind of history really
Tim Stout:2004 happened then?
Unknown:Well, we entered the church in in actually in August of 2005.
Tim Stout:Which parish
Unknown:because Mary Queen, the Holy Rosary? Because we, you know, in the Methodist Church, there's some actually, you know, Methodism is sort of a, I would explain it this way. Methodism began as a renewal movement within Anglicanism, or the Episcopal Church or, you know, the Church of England. So in some ways, Methodism is to Anglicanism, what Anglican ism is to Catholicism. So, you know, Methodist Church, you have a bishop, and as pastors, we were appointed by bishop to a congregation. And typically in the Methodist Church is very similar to in our own diocese, where, you know, you have your appointment has to either be renewed every year, or you might be moved to a different church. And so I knew sometime in the around November, December of Oh, four that this was going to have to be our last year, as in, in Methodist ministry, and
Dallas Kelley:wasn't wasn't there a time I remember, if I remember your story, right? Where you told you told your wife, Angie that could Can we just think, can we just think we're Catholic, instead of instead of actually going over, you know, and the uterus draw Aryan or drew in or something?
Unknown:Yeah, I started having cold feet, you know, and just recognizing how scary it was. And my wife is always been a person with stronger faith in me. And so I told her, you may, we can just forget this whole thing. I remember it was a Saturday morning, cuz we had gotten into the habit we live just in the shadow of Christ, the king, the drill, I think that there was some sort of gamma rays coming out of the cathedral drawing said that we'd gotten in the habit of individually, because our kids were also young, sneaking into a daily mass over at the cathedral. And, you know, we would have this habit of sneaking in late sitting in the back, and then slipping out early, which turned out to be a good, good practice for actually being Catholic. Ever,
Tim Stout:you pass the test.
Unknown:So she was leaving, it was a Saturday morning, and I would sit there drinking a cup of coffee, and she was walking out the door. And I said, Angie, maybe we don't have to do that. This. Maybe we could just appreciate the Catholic Church from a distance and be content with that. And I never forget. Thanks for reminding me Dallas Deacon. She she had her back to me. And she it felt like, gosh, two minutes, but was probably 10 seconds. And then she turned around. And her eyes were welling up with tears. And she said, all of my life, I've wanted to wanted it to be true that it is the body and blood of Jesus Christ. And I never let myself believe it before she said I I have to do this. And so at that point, I knew I was in big trouble.
Tim Stout:You hit the point, it hit the point of no return at that point.
Unknown:Yes, yes. So you know, so we could Yeah, we entered the church in August of oh five just had our 15 year anniversary as Catholics and was father Bob still there was no father Bob. I mean, the father Baba came in later for an interim you know, kind of thing. He's always he's everybody's interim, you know, in retirement.
Tim Stout:These are spirits. Well, he was our pre COVID spiritual director. We haven't seen
Unknown:a great great pre scrape man. I'm, I'm trying to think of Who was that? I think it was. I think father Danny schwendeman and No, father, Jacob Curie and I think were the two priests that were there. They were not pastors at that point. So.
Tim Stout:So did all the kids come at the same time?
Unknown:Yes, our four oldest, because a lot of folks by well maybe or may not know this, if you're seven years old and up, if you come into communion in the church, then you have to be confirmed. Right? Because you're considered an adult in the faith.
Tim Stout:So a lot of people don't know that. That's true.
Unknown:Oh, yeah. So there are a folder for oldest were confirmed. And then, of course, all our children had been baptized as infants, because in the Methodist Church, we do baptize infants. And, yeah, so our two sons and our youngest daughter, you know, they were they were really young. So they went through the whole process of first communion and confirmation of the rest.
Tim Stout:And so you, you come into the church, and if I've got my math correct, you go right into the job that you have today. The director of Yeah, family life.
Unknown:Well, it's a it's interesting.
Tim Stout:That would have been a bishop gainer.
Unknown:Actually, I, we entered the Catholic Church on August 13. I started working for the diocese July 1, so I was actually employed by the diocese for six weeks before I was fully Catholic. We had gotten to know you know, I had reached out to Bishop gainer in like the fall of oh four, somebody had recommended that I do that. Just tell them our story and see if he had any guidance in terms of vocational sort of things, you know, and he was, of course you don't Bishop Gaynor, very much a pastor's heart and kind person and we met whether he met with me and he came over to our house for dinner and so forth. And so he talked about that. The diocese was thinking about creating a position the director of family life, they had had that office before, but it was just part time and had been closed for a couple of years. So he said, You know, when I think when that when we decide that to open that office again, I would think you might be a you know, candidate for that. I can't promise anything, of course. And so we went through all that spring of Oh, five, I had no idea what I was going to do for a living and you know, we house we lived along to the church and our wife is pregnant with her seventh at that point, and
Tim Stout:you had to have a lot of trust in God at that point.
Unknown:It was the it was a really crisis of faith for me. Because Yeah, I didn't, I didn't know what I was gonna do. And I kept hitting like closed door after closed door. And you know, so we we got down to, we were it was the day before we were going to move out of the Methodist parsonage. We had already signed a lease to rent a house that I didn't know how I was going to pay the bill. And I called Bishop Gaynor because, you know, he, he had been a slow process, nothing moves fast in the church, as you know. So I just thought I thought I thought I'd call him Bishop meter, just see where the, you know what, where the position was, and then if they were gonna start interviewing or whatever, and I called him the day before we were we were putting stuff in boxes, you know, to move out, I call them and after a couple of minutes, you know, I asked him about the position. He said, I'm so glad you called he said, because I just was in a meeting earlier today and we've decided that we're going to go a hole go ahead and open the position. And I want to offer you the position. Wow. And yeah, and you know, it's funny because Bishop gainer said you probably want to take some time to pray about this. I said
Dallas Kelley:I said here's a note.
Unknown:I said Bishop gainer I have prayed about it accept
Tim Stout:it. Last is prayer known demand boom
Unknown:boom a Yeah. So really, I'm grateful every day for that opportunity because he took a real leap you know, in hiring me so
Tim Stout:so at that point it was was it just family life at that point? Not evangelization? Just family life?
Unknown:Yeah, evangelization yet add got added later.
Tim Stout:Yeah. So So tell us just a little bit about what your responsibility is what what that office at the diocese is responsible for? I mean, obviously we Dallas and I do a lot of stuff with with focus. So we know that part of it pretty much counseling and stuff, but tell our listeners kind of what what you do and Maybe how you can help them if they need help.
Unknown:Sure. And I it's funny because I we talk about what what is my office do? Well, it's it's me. People about about five of us share a share and administrative assistant who's fantastic. I mean, she's Claudia's outstanding, but it but it is, you know, when it's us, so when I first started the position, you asked me again, are you okay? So you hired me, what do you want me to do? And he, he really wanted us to strengthen and develop and evaluate and deepen our process of marriage preparation. And that's probably been in terms of the chunk that's take that takes the most of my time over the last 15 years, because we have a comparatively speaking, we have a more rigorous process of marriage preparation than the average diocese. So every Catholic Diocese, yes, average Catholic Diocese, right. So and so you know, we have the we we try to give couples a good understanding of what marriage is what, why it even exists, how it fits within the Catholic faith, or an understanding of our sexuality. Usually, they're related through the lens of Pope St. john paul, the second is theology the body. So that, you know, because what we felt like was, what we were doing in marriage preparation was was good, but we felt like it was incomplete. Because the typical pre pre k in a class primarily talked about relationship skills, which are important, of course, your skills and virtues. But it's also very important to have a vision and understanding of what marriage is as a reality. So I would compare it to somebody who's preparing for priesthood or the deac, and they had a religious life that it's not, you know, for the potential priest in seminary, they don't just need to learn about how to do the things that a priest does, which they do, but to do that, but they also need to have a real understanding of what the priesthood is what it means to be a priest. And so that's kind of the, we tried to bring that out in to augment what was already being done. And then we also asked, I asked me, a full course. So for couples of natural family planning, so they can kind of have an idea of how to live out this vision of our sexuality and fertility within married life. So you know, to try to train and develop leaders and parishes, I do some teaching myself, try to coordinate all that stuff. And that that takes a good bit of time. And and energy. As you probably know that, go ahead. But I was just wondering, do you have enough focus couples out there? And you mean,
Tim Stout:facilitators? Yes.
Unknown:facilitators. Now, we could always use more for sure. And yeah, focus is for those of you don't know who what focus is, it's a it's a premarital inventory.
Tim Stout:Not a sale, not a test. How do
Unknown:you remember that? Well, from your training is spelled with two C's in the middle, it's not misspelled. It's facilitating open couple communication, understanding and study, and so called the individual fiance's, respond to about 150 plus different statements, whether they agree, disagree or uncertain. And then when they complete the survey, which they do online, it generates a report that compares their responses, so they can get a better picture of maybe, you know, where are they, where they're particularly strong? Maybe some growth areas, maybe things that they thought they had discussed, but hadn't really? Yeah,
Dallas Kelley:I like, I like when we get get them back. And I see the overall is compatibility is 22%. You're like, Oh, is it gonna be alone session?
Tim Stout:Well, the exact opposite of that is when it's 99%. You're like, okay, you all sat in the same room together.
Unknown:Yeah, that's exactly. It's all it.
Tim Stout:I mean, I enjoy it. Kelly and I really, really enjoy it. We've I don't know if we've had as many couples as you I've had not even close. Dallas is the go to guy at the parish. But you know, it's a fun, it's a fun ministry. For us, we enjoy it. We enjoy meeting the young couples and, you know, hearing their stories and watching them grow through the process. I mean, that to me, that's that's where we know, that focus works is because you can see from the first meeting to the, you know, it's second, third, however many you are, by the time you get to the end, they've changed as a couple. So, and I think that's what you want to see. Right? That's you want to see that that growth?
Unknown:Then no question. And then for them to, you know, be willing to grapple with things. I mean, if this has not happened a lot, but it does happen. Occasionally. We're a couple what will go through the marriage preparation process, and they'll earn, you know, What, this? We probably shouldn't be doing this. And, you know, that's certainly not the aim of what we do. But if that's the case, better to find out now, then, and save yourself a lot of heartache that can come later.
Tim Stout:Yeah, do you? Do you have statistics in the database? Do keep statistics of people that don't get married, they go through focus. But that I mean, that hasn't happened to us? I don't think not too bad our marriage, but yeah,
Unknown:I'd say, you know, I would spit ball and say less than 5%.
Tim Stout:But what about the sister part of this? Does the diocese do much with refocus? Because I think that might be something that we need in our parish?
Unknown:Yeah, I mean, we, of course, I think I took you guys through it with your spouse's and your the agonal formation,
Tim Stout:I believe. Yes. That was enlightening.
Unknown:Yeah, I mean, I did and every focus facilitator has the is certified to do refocus to so it's always, you know, when you're in a diocesan office, it's it's sort of a, you try to walk that fine line, because, I mean, ultimately, ministry best happens in the local parish. Right. That's, that's really where, you know, we have this understanding of subsidiarity. subsidiarity, right. So, there, I mean, I, what I sometimes you know, how I see my offices is to be a resource to help. The local parish should be any support that I can make kind of see, see me if there's somehow an extension of the staff. But if there are people in the parish that want to do that sort of thing, I'll do anything that I can do to help that happen.
Tim Stout:Does that does that happen typically in a one on one environment? Or does it happen in a group environment? What I mean, because we did, obviously, we did it that through the acronym formation, which is a unique situation, but is that something that's done in a group formation? Or would you say that if a parish is going to offer it, they should offer one on one? No,
Unknown:I think it can be either way. I you know, I think Usually, I mean, if you're, if you're administering refocus it to a couple who is in real need of some marital healing, probably it should be best done in an individual, one or two on two circumstance. But if you're doing it as an enrichment course, you know, you may start it with it being enrichment and fun.
Tim Stout:We got this piece and we have a problem.
Dallas Kelley:When we did focus, I mean, you talk about the 99 percentile, man, my wife is like 99.9 we got we didn't we we were done. There was nothing to discuss. And we sat back and watched the whole room fight. It was funny.
Tim Stout:We did Dallas, you knew your spouse, Dallas, you are you and Sherry are unique. You know you are a perfect match. You were born for like
Dallas Kelley:the things though.
Tim Stout:They never argue.
Dallas Kelley:We never argue. I don't know what to tell you.
Tim Stout:Yeah, go figure, Mike. I know what you're thinking. Yeah,
Unknown:I know crazy.
Dallas Kelley:Mike, let me ask you. When I do focus, and we kind of go over the next steps after focus. I try to steer and it's just my opinion, I wanted to get yours. I try to steer everyone towards the retreat. Okay. Instead of the other options that I have like the gods playing I forget, I forget. Which do you prefer of those two options do you think are better and because I just think it's better to be with other other engaged couples.
Unknown:Yeah, so you know, we we have these three primary components the God's plan for joyfilled marriage, the what we call the married life component, which can be either a sponsor couple or a class at a parish that offers it like Christ, the king or Mary Queen, seat and so forth and natural family planning. in normal times, meaning nine pandemic times, we offer a full weekend retreat several times a year. So that you could fulfill those first two components, the God's plan and the married life in one weekend. And I like that I think they're, you know that there's a, there's a great deal of benefit of having that dedicated time through a whole weekend, of course, they get to know the other couples, you'd know them more personally. You know, just like anybody who goes on a retreat, there's an opportunity for more lengthy, intentional reflection. So yeah, I'm a big fan of the retreat, we've kind of had to re calibrate things, not just for the pandemic, because when Cliff Cliff you closed, so we went from having three a year to the least right now we're having to a year, once we get past the pandemic, there's a Methodist retreat center in slo County, that that we're going to be using,
Dallas Kelley:but right now, it's not in person, right. You
Unknown:don't you don't think nothing's in person right now. And you know, probably won't be until, I mean, I'm assuming probably at least next summer.
Tim Stout:Yeah, that's that was gonna be one of my questions is has the pandemic affected your ministry?
Unknown:Yeah. I mean, we, everybody's on a learning curve, of course. And, you know, using like, everybody's got zoom fatigue. Recognize, but man, you look at the numbers, and in nationwide in Kentucky, it's it's a little bit, you know, it's a little unnerving.
Tim Stout:And it didn't, it didn't end Tuesday.
Unknown:Yeah. Yeah, I thought it was supposed to end after the election, talking about, you know, I think our positivity rate was like, what, 6.7% today or so, but it's gonna get
Dallas Kelley:better. That's the promise. It'll get better.
Tim Stout:It's gonna get better.
Unknown:Eventually, hopefully. But, you know, so and we're working on like, so the married life, that that happens, that one of the options is to take a class in a parish. So what we're doing on that is, we got a bunch of different leaders of that from different parishes in Lexington. And we're in the middle we just filmed. We're using a production company to we're going to take the presentations, we're going to have them professionally edited and put together and we'll have couples be able to rather than sit in a six hour zoom call, they'll be able to do it at their own pace.
Tim Stout:Who doesn't? Who doesn't love a sixth person?
Unknown:Oh, yeah, that's, that's beautiful. I've got one tomorrow. So yeah, and wonderful. But you know, and so then they'll have they'll meet with with a with the facilitator couple, once they finish that just to, you know, kind of break down what they gain from it. I mean, it's, as I said to somebody the other day, it's not ideal, but we, we tossed ideal out the window some time ago. So
Tim Stout:yeah, Dallas and I both have had a wedding. I mean, we I had one, probably in the middle of the pandemic, yes. And you've had one in the last month. You know, it definitely has changed the whole Ministry of marriage, not just the prep side, but all the way through to, to the ceremony itself. And it's I like the wedding that I did, because it was it was simple. You know, there were only 20 I think there were 25. At that point, we can have 25 people in our church, and that's how many people were there. And it was actually with a Methodist minister, it was it was kind of okay, and interesting. But it was, it was great, because nobody was on edge. You know, how, you know, everybody wants everything to be perfect at a wedding. But here, everybody knew it wasn't gonna be perfect. We were just, we were just trying to make it happen. And everybody, that's what the goal was, we want it, they loved each other. They didn't want to wait for six months or another year. Let's just make this happen. And everybody was so nice. Which doesn't always happen in a wedding.
Unknown:And it's, you know, this this time is tough on you know,
Tim Stout:I mean, some marriages have gotten closer to the pandemic, and then others have exacerbated some difficulties. And we were talking about that before for you came on actually just this, my current event was the pandemic and the election and that a lot of people have lost their minds in this country. And in the state. A lot of our friends, you know, I'm saying, you know, I just see people under the stress and the pressure of, of not being in community with people not interacting with people in a normal way, that stress that's going on. And you know, what's happening in marriages, it's probably a little bit more hidden now than it was before. Right? Because they're everybody's at home and you don't see it.
Dallas Kelley:You know, except in mine,
Tim Stout:except to Dallas. Don't argue at all. But, you know, I think it's a it's a very challenging environment. And, you know, I can't wait for it to be over whenever that's going to be whenever that's gonna happen.
Unknown:You and me, brother for sure.
Tim Stout:So, what's one thing that that somebody should know about the, the family life at the diocese? what's what's one thing that the hidden treasure is something that people don't know that they should know about the ministry or resources or trying to push? Well,
Unknown:you know, we, we, of course, we try to keep in mind all the different places that people are, you know, we've, we've developed over the last several years of ministry for divorced Catholics, you know, people hear that term divorce Catholic and they think that's like, jumbo shrimp or something, you know, they don't go together, right? I mean, we all know the church has been impacted by divorce and, you know, how do we help people along that journey toward healing and a lot of misconceptions about what the Church teaches? And you know, it's, it's, I mean, the beautiful thing about the Catholic Church is, you know, we understand, I mean, if I remember somebody said to me, Well, why in the world would you have a ministry to divorced persons? Because we believe that, you know, the marriage, the marriage is permanent. I say, well, we we also know that we're all called the Hopi holy, but we build still build confessionals. There's a lot. There's a lot of brokenness. Yeah,
Tim Stout:I had an aunt that most of my adult life. She was she got divorced when I was a young young kid, probably, I don't know. 1415 years old. She lived in Somerset moved up to back to load live with her mom. For the whole time. I knew her went to mass every Sunday, and never went to Communion because she thought she couldn't go to me. Oh, yeah, as a divorced Catholic. So you know that that ministry is important, just from an education point of view, to really educate what the Church teaches. So many people think they understand it, and they don't.
Unknown:And of course, you know, we're a real growing edge for me and for several of us at the diocese to has been, you know, used to be in the diocese that we had regarding Spanish language ministry, we had sort of a, a silo setup where, you know, Hispanic ministry was its own silo, right. And it was separate from all the other offices and what, you know, and really prompted a lot by Bishop john, and for good reason. We're on that slow journey toward being more integrated. So that, you know, I'm not just the director of family life ministries for the English speaking Catholics for the diocese, but for everybody, right. So, you know, I've been as best I can learning Spanish, we have some wonderful volunteer couples, who, whose whose English is about as good as my Spanish, which not not, but but but fluent in their lives. And people who think about one particular couple, who, whose dedication to the church and to their ministry is one of the greatest and most profound commitments that I've ever seen from, from a lay volunteer. I mean, just and that's, you know, that's, that's, that's a beautiful thing. And the kind of thing, as you know, it says, in leadership in the church, sometimes the one of the most challenging things sometimes is to define people who lay at the volunteers who will really own a particular ministry, and not have to be cajoled push for it. Yeah, to have somebody who owns it and takes it. That's it. That's a that's a pretty profound thing.
Tim Stout:And it's always a good idea until you want them to be in charge of it, or to move forward. Wait a minute, I can't do that. So when you find somebody that does that, that is that's a good thing that moves on their own so and always like this is usually the last question always end up with Mike who is a guest we should have on our show.
Unknown:Oh, that's a great question. I'm
Tim Stout:not to put you on the spot. We've had you know, we've had living spirit. Oh, do you know Rocco? palmo. Do you know he is the whistle? Yeah.
Unknown:whispers in the lows. Yeah. Yeah, we had him on.
Dallas Kelley:We had Gus Lloyd on satellite radio and
Tim Stout:we've had some good ones. Now we've had the world famous Mike Allen.
Unknown:Yeah, world famous your thing.
Dallas Kelley:Now we're thinking about quitting, because we can't stop that. Yeah,
Unknown:yeah, that's that. That's right.
Tim Stout:We would like to have you in the studio though. So when the pandemic is over, we would like you to come in and because we can take questions and stuff, and it just, it's a little bit different, more intimate setting.
Unknown:You know, I would, in terms of future guests, I don't know how well you know, Deacon Eduardo fortini, who is the coordinator of Hispanic ministry, and the diocese.
Dallas Kelley:I get his emails all the time, but I read them.
Unknown:He is, he is one more one of the most energetic
Tim Stout:passionate, he's from global. Is he from Colombia?
Unknown:No, he is a he was born and raised in Argentina. Well, he, early years he was Argentina. And then he was in Genoa, in Italy.
Tim Stout:I love that. I love his accent. He was Oh, yeah, he was on the training session we just had a week or so ago. And I'm like, if we needed to cast somebody for the Godfather, he would be perfect.
Unknown:Well, and he's, you know, he's been involved with with several others. We've had, there's been I don't want to go into too much detail, but demonic oppression and possession is a reality, you know, right. Oh, no. And he, and he has been, you know, involved with several situations.
Tim Stout:What's one of the things is, one of the persons on my list is somebody who is an expert in exorcism, I want to try to find the national leader on exorcisms and I want to have him on the show.
Unknown:That's my but now there's a I know there's a priest in Covington, that is an official Exorcist for the diocese there.
Tim Stout:I know they like to keep that secret. Sometimes they don't like to really talk about it. But you know, I, you know, I think it it. It's real. And, you know, in today's world, sometimes we will A lot of people say that evil doesn't exist or, you know, there is no hell. And you know, it does. And there is so
Unknown:another another guest I would mention too, is Jason Hall. And if you know, Jason, I
Tim Stout:know Jason Well, yeah, absolutely.
Unknown:Director of the executive of Catholic Conference of Kentucky, so he'd be a great, that's a that's a
Tim Stout:great. Both of those are great suggestions, Mike. So I reached out to both of them. I think they both be. You know, Jason, obviously, he's, he's coming out of his hot season right now, you know, since the elections over so all that is over? Is it over? Well, it is like it is. There's a
Dallas Kelley:well, there's a lot but we pretty much know who won.
Tim Stout:There's a lot of new faces going to Frankfort. So it'll be it'll be interesting. I'm part of the work. I'm part of a lobbying group for our industry. And, you know, the, when there's an election that has this, many new faces go into Frankfurt, you got to work. You think because people going in Frankfurt don't know a lot of things they don't know, a lot of these issues they run because they've got a problem in their district or in their area, and they want to try to fix that thing. But there's a whole lot more going on. On Jason. So
Unknown:Jason knows more about has forgotten more about politics than I know. He was kind of I think I get a sense he was when he was young. He was like an Alex P. Keaton, you know, from the old family ties show. And, you know, he worked in Frankfort for many years before he became Catholic. So
Tim Stout:yeah, great suggestions. Well, Mike, we appreciate your time. We will we have a little gift we send you if you were here, we would give it to you. But I'll send it to you in the mail and you'll get it because you know, we can't see each other during the pandemic, but it's
Unknown:not a Dodger jersey
Tim Stout:as it is not. It actually is it's a rosary. It's a what's called a rugged rosary.
Unknown:Oh wonderful, but
Dallas Kelley:it was blessed by Tommy Lasorda.
Tim Stout:Actually, you know who the one of the biggest who was Catholic Catholic Dodger fans there there is is Vince Golly. I mean, he's a he's a knight. Oh, yeah. You know, he's
Unknown:sad. It's sad that he stepped down, you know, and wasn't able to call the games this year.
Tim Stout:What a what a good guy and you know, what, you know, not a ministry but a lifelong desire, lifelong dedication to a team for sure. So
Unknown:I am a little disappointed fatherland whatnot here too. I mean, that was always spices things up a little bit. We had a restraining order
Dallas Kelley:against
Unknown:PDFs. I
Dallas Kelley:threw in some different names to protect the innocent, but he was the one
Unknown:he maybe maybe the the FCC crackdown
Tim Stout:on you a little bit. But he's usually here. He had a tooth tooth. He had a tooth emergency tooth extraction or something. So Oh, obviously he can't talk. Imagine that. Imagine that. Yeah, so he can type very well. We've we've been sacked via text. But next time when you come into the studio, he will be here and you know, as long as it's in the next couple years while he's still assigned here to our parish. So you know, he's been here for 14 years. 13 years, however long. He's on extended play.
Unknown:Well, I look forward to the pandemic being over and be happy and be there and throwback. Oh, cool. And with you guys.
Tim Stout:Alright. Well, Mike, we appreciate it and have a blessed day and we will see you soon.
Unknown:All right, thanks.
Tim Stout:Thanks, Mike Allen.
Dallas Kelley:God bless us.
Unknown:There you go. Boom. My gallon.
Tim Stout:Good show. He's a good guy.
Dallas Kelley:For a sign of the day. There is a sign of the day.
Tim Stout:is Steve ready for the sign of the sign as a sign of the day? Saint Nicholas, have a look and companions. I'm gonna have to learn a little bit about this because I haven't heard this one before. But here is the site of the day.
Unknown:This is Franciscan media saint of the day for November 6. Today we celebrate St. Nicholas tablets and companions. Today's saint and his three companions are among the 158 Franciscans to have been martyred in the Holy Land. Since the friars became custodians of the shrines and holy places in 1335. Nicholas was born in 1340 to a wealthy noble family in Croatia. He joined the Franciscans and was sent to preach in Bosnia. In 1384. He and a fellow friar volunteered to serve in the Holy Land missions. their duties included looking after the holy places, caring for the Christian pilgrims, and studying Arabic. In 1391, Nicolas and three other friars decided to take a more direct approach to converting the Muslim population. reading from a prepared statement in Jerusalem's Mosque of Omar. They stated that all people must accept the gospel of Jesus. When the mosque official ordered them to retract the statement they refused. After beatings and imprisonment, the friars were beheaded before a large crowd. In 1970, Nicholas tablets and his companions became the first Franciscans martyred in the Holy Land to be canonized. There's more about the saints along with inspiration in Catholic resources at our website, Saint of the day.org. From Franciscan media. This has been st of the day.
Tim Stout:Saint Nicholas tab like another Franciscan Franciscan media really likes Franciscan saints. Have you noticed that? Hey, next week, we're working on some things. Look, possibly getting somebody from Stephens ministry to come talk about what that ministry is all about. So ministry that's been in our parish, I think a little bit over a couple years now. Or might just talk about putting on what violins got it up his sleeve, maybe some some Catholic topics. We talked about reformation and counter reformation just for theory, those are some things we've had on the list. We just need to get them off my list. So anyway, next week tune in never know who we might have on we might have Jason Hall who knows. Deacon Eduardo fortini. So thanks to Mike Allen, you've got a suggestion for a topic or a guest let us know. If you're not following us on social media you should be if you found us, click the like button, click the subscribe button. If you're on YouTube. Or if you're on podcast. Listen to us on our radio or Spotify, Amazon podcast, whatever you're listening to us on Subscribe, like us. And if you want to support the ministry, ss f j.org. That's SS f j.org, St. Francis and john.org where you can support all the ministries with a click of a button, which is the way to do it during the pandemic don't have to worry about touching and passing money. Can't wait to hear the study about how money passes COVID the person people so anyway, most important, tell your friends give us a listen. We thank you for being here. Dallas, can you give us a blessing and set us on our way
Dallas Kelley:I sure can make a piece of our Lord Jesus Christ be with everyone here in the studio and everyone out there listening and May almighty God bless you, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.
Tim Stout:Until next week, I'm Deacon Tim Stout.
Dallas Kelley:I'm Deacon Dallas
Tim Stout:Kelly. Will be back next time. Good night everybody.
Unknown:Did you ever stop and think why spend too much time just getting ready? Maybe I don't know a single thing that I haven't noticed. Then when I see my hospital